Godzilla Pissed

After years of being viewed as a mere fantasy produced by the Japanese, who are undeniably super-weird, Godzilla has decided to assert his reality. Though captured on camera in Ishirō Honda's 1954 film when he tried to rescue Japan from America two decades too late, Godzilla's existence has been widely doubted in the western world.

After causing such a ruckus while Japan was trying to recover from the effects of two atomic bombs, Godzilla's Asian fan-base largely dissipated forcing him to turn to the West. Who he promptly discovered laughed at the idea of him.

Bad call Mr. Non-Believing-Lei-Wearing-Pineapple-Eating-Surfing-Tiki-Bar-Attending-Pig-Roasting-Hula-Dancing-Hawaiian.

Very bad call.

(Admit that you had no idea where this was going.)

Godzilla, in a press release Thursday, has announced his plan to wipe the first non-believers he encountered off the face of their sad little volcanic paradises. As a legendary sea monster, the minor giant tidal wave he has sent in Hawaii's direction is small peanuts. His formal statement on the issue is as follows;

"Yeah I didn't think I'd need to exert myself to annihilate a bunch of vacationing New Yorkers."

And on the subject of his plans for the rest of the doubters;

"Watch out Silicon Valley."

And on his diabolical plans for Canada;

"I'll get back to you, I've never heard of that."

While Canadians remain temporarily safe, all American citizens are advised to start sacrificing to the dreadful denizen.

"But no more Justin Bieber CD's, you all can actually keep those."

Readers who still doubt Godzilla's a) existence and b) evilness are invited to view the following photographic evidence;