IN BREAKING NEWS:
Self styled "thug" Terrence Arnold Jones, 17, was recently heard to ask an authority figure at Harrisonburger Prep: "I mean when am I ever going to use this @#$%? You're trying to ruin my ****ing life mister!" Later that night Jones was seen defacing private property while smoking tobacco.
When asked to comment on his own anti-social behavior Jones offered "This is my turf @#$%&."
When asked if he realized that his teacher probably had Jones's best interests at heart he replied "@#$% &*%$##$ %^$#@! &*^$#@#$@&!!!!!!!"
The situation is under observation.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
VP People Actually Like Flees
In other, sadder news Harrisonburger Prep is losing one of the two members of the administrative staff who isn't the recipient of daily verbal abuse by the student body, that man is Arnold Nap, the other of course being Eileen Brenalds who will also be leaving H-Prep before the 2011-12 school year.
Theories vary on why the two best loved administrators would both leave in such a small period of time, though many analysts accuse Chuck Erie another VP of trying to stage a coup. Others however blame Spotty Wood Prison Camp insurgents, the economy, swine flu, the attractiveness bubble, Obamacare, sheer intimidation at the arrival of Tank Sinclair, and the softball team.
Nap was reportedly seen around the academy looking "extra happy" according to one witness, and "positively bubbly" according to another, several days before the public announcement was made.
"If we didn't have a host of other things to blame for his departure and make ourselves feel good, I'd almost think he was happy to go," said math teacher Kelly Fritz.
"It's really a blow," said junior Billy Grimeson. "He was my VP and I always looked down on people with surnames alphabetically distant from my own. Now I guess I'm in with the other suckers."
Many students say that they'll miss having a young, friendly, approachable vice principal around.
"I mean now it's like 'Yuck!'" contends junior Zohana Ramirez. "Scrupco is the awkwardest thing I've seen since Abuelita took me to see the Hangover con Las Tias. And Erie is straight grouchy. I'll miss Nap, he wasn't super weird. Plus he was kind of cute."
"Mostly I'll miss his hot girlfriend," mourns Camcaz Mickdonald.
No one knows the real reason for his departure but his presence will be missed by all.
Theories vary on why the two best loved administrators would both leave in such a small period of time, though many analysts accuse Chuck Erie another VP of trying to stage a coup. Others however blame Spotty Wood Prison Camp insurgents, the economy, swine flu, the attractiveness bubble, Obamacare, sheer intimidation at the arrival of Tank Sinclair, and the softball team.
Nap was reportedly seen around the academy looking "extra happy" according to one witness, and "positively bubbly" according to another, several days before the public announcement was made.
"If we didn't have a host of other things to blame for his departure and make ourselves feel good, I'd almost think he was happy to go," said math teacher Kelly Fritz.
"It's really a blow," said junior Billy Grimeson. "He was my VP and I always looked down on people with surnames alphabetically distant from my own. Now I guess I'm in with the other suckers."
Many students say that they'll miss having a young, friendly, approachable vice principal around.
"I mean now it's like 'Yuck!'" contends junior Zohana Ramirez. "Scrupco is the awkwardest thing I've seen since Abuelita took me to see the Hangover con Las Tias. And Erie is straight grouchy. I'll miss Nap, he wasn't super weird. Plus he was kind of cute."
"Mostly I'll miss his hot girlfriend," mourns Camcaz Mickdonald.
No one knows the real reason for his departure but his presence will be missed by all.
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