A1 Homeless senior finds out we have black president

Every day after track practice senior Antonio Sodd makes the long trek across the Harrisonburger Prep School campus to the dumpsters behind the school, where he does a preliminary search for snacks before heading into the school to his home, the tray return window.

“It’s temporary,” said Sodd. “I’m between housing.”

Apparently he’s been between housing for quite some time, as the tray return smells strongly of unaccomplished homework.

“I know it’s wrong not to do homework,” says Sodd. “But living in a hunter-gather existence like I do it’s hard to justify time for statistics. Sorry Mr. Garret.”

The hunter-gather existence he is referring to is his practice of scrounging food from the returned blue trays.

“It’s hard you know,” said Sodd. “Most people like to destroy our planet by using white trays, so I only get a fraction of the school’s uneaten food.”

The homework problem came to a head for Sodd last semester when the aforementioned Mr. Garret chastised Sodd for incomplete assignments.

“He said ‘Do you think Obama would proud of you?’,” said Sodd. “And I was like ‘What the @#$% is an obama?’”

Garret explained the rise to power of our current president to Sodd.

“When I found out we have a black president I felt like a warm pack of honey mustard sauce being crushed between sandy toes on a beach in May,” Sodd alleges. “Mr. Garret told me more about him, he sounds like a fascist, socialist, communist, terrorist, liberalist, racist. I liked thing better when I was out of the political loop.”

Sodd has since fled the country, if you see this man please contact the authorities.